Something like that

I’ve been married for twenty years this year. My husband and I only dated for five months before tying the knot. Yes…five whole months.

You know how it in the beginning of a relationship. Everyone is happy and in love and everyone is just full of butterflies and rainbows. But we knew. We knew that we were the ones that were to be together forever. I don’t really know how to describe it really, it’s just a gut instinct, you “feel” that it’s right and you go with it. When he and I got together, I had a child from a previous relationship. She had just turned five months old at the time. She would go on dates with us. We always went to our favorite spot on the Blue Ridge Parkway. She would sleep and we would talk all night long. We would then leave the parkway and go to Denny’s for coffee and breakfast. We did this every night he didn’t have to work. It was great. We lived in an apartment of a friend of ours for a small amount of time. When it was time for us to start paying the bill, we did what any other broke person would do…we shamelessly left without a forwarding address. Yes, it was stupid but hey, it’s what we did and I am sure we are not the only ones that have done that.

I called him on a Thursday, the third of November, “I want to get married.” I said. “I’ll be there in an hour.” was his reply. We went down to the courthouse and got the marriage license and we got married in a preachers home in Salem, Va. We were given thirty dollars as a gift and he did what any other man would do…Maybe. Now, I am really going to age myself but, here goes. We took that thirty dollars to Walmart, he went in and bought the newest Brittney Spears tape and a copy of The Blair Witch project book and with that, we were broke, again.

The first year in our marriage was rough to say the least. We had good times and bad times just like any couple. We would argue and then make up and then threaten to divorce, you know, a typical first year marriage. We haven’t ever had a honeymoon so to speak, even after twenty years. We’ve lived and loved and raised/raising children our whole marriage. Growing pains happen in every relationship. Sacrifices made all the same.

I entitled this blog How To’s or How not’s because, you can either take this advice and see it as “How To” do things or you can look at this and think, wow she is crazy and see it as a “How Not” to do things. Either way, I hope it’s something you can use.

Let me tell you “How To” do something and you can all take it to the bank. Love your husband or wife in all their flaws. Women can come with many but men can as well. There is not one spouse greater than the other. We are all equal partners on the same team. At night when you go to bed, no matter how angry or frustrated you have gotten with one another, you have to realize that you are still on the same team. Women get the wrap of being too needy or too emotional. I think that is fair at times to say that but the truth is, is we are not like that all the time. Men at times, can be just as needy and just as emotional. It’s called being human. These are our daily flaws. I will be consistent with my over-emotional state. My husband can tell you. If it comes to over-reacting, I would get the award every time.

Never stop enjoying each other’s company, ever. They are your best friend. They are the one who will be there for you when everyone else has turned their back. It boggles the mind to see men and women step away from the relationship and not truly work on it. I heard a story today of someone who was in a relationship for seven years. He had proposed but with him working nights and them working on two different schedules, she got lonely and bored and crossed the line. Needless to say, they broke up and he ended waiting several months to be able to separate from her based on living conditions and cars etc.

My husband worked nights some before we got together and then five years of our marriage at the beginning. We had our first daughter and added another shortly after marriage. We spent the time we had together changing diapers and wiping faces. When he was on night shifts, it was difficult for both of us. We were operating on two different schedules. As I was getting our children and myself settled for bed, he was getting up and getting ready for work. I would say the first fiver years of our marriage, we saw  each other maybe a couple hours a day tops. He would come home some nights around four in the morning. I would get up and fix cheeseburgers for him or sausage biscuits. I would go back to bed when he did. As he looks back now, he feels as if he has missed so much of their lives. But he was doing what any good provider does. I worked, don’t get me wrong but I couldn’t make what he did to cover things. I also didn’t work for awhile because childcare is so ridiculous. If we both worked, I would simply be working to pay a sitter. It just wasn’t feasible nor did it do any good to add to our bank account.

Appreciate one another’s time. We have eighty-six thousand-four hundred seconds in a day. Step back from yourself and what you have going on and take bare minimum sixty of those seconds and tell your significant other how much they mean to you and that you appreciate them. It doesn’t take a lot of time to express your feelings for someone. Be sincere. If you love them, let them know. It may be a small thing to you, but to them it could make their whole day. Just take a moment and share it with them. You will find yourself needing more and more of those moments.

I can go on and on with these but I will stop here. I have twenty years of continuation. In conclusion remember these things.

Stop thinking you have it worse than your spouse. We all have sacrifices to make and that we have made.

Take time for one another. On your day off, go to the zoo, play golf, go to a game. Whatever it is you enjoy doing together, do that.

Value one another.

Love each other and always be there for one another. Life is hard and you were blessed to have been given a life partner to share it with to help you through the hard times and to be there to enjoy the good times with you.